Calm is Powerful

This itself was a very powerful statement for me. That in an Argument the person who is Calm is more powerful. I sometimes feel like my husband can hit all the wrong nerves at once and I go berserk. But that’s where this comes in. Calm is powerful.

Also sometimes I have the terrific urge to be Right. If I am right to tell it out loud and go the point to make the other person see my point of view where it is useless and futile. Over the years/months I have understood that well not always are people ready or willing to see/know the right thing. Firstly, everyone has a perspective and everyone in their own perspective must be thinking of themselves as the only correct one.

Also people only comprehend from their level of consciousness and understanding. It's like in the Big Bang theory when Shledon says 'Evolution is how human kind happened' and his Mom is like 'And that is your belief'. So it's difficult to make people see your version of 'right' to the point of being futile. Hence sometimes Silence is Golden making the calm more powerful :)

Another smile Story

Well, in 2010 I had a very rough patch. I would fall ill frequently and so much so that doctors would tell me 'get her Hospitalized'. Imagine!!! I go to a doc with fever and pain in the abdomen and he is like get her in. Well I panicked, so did KM. We called mom to fly over from Kolkata, we being in Bangalore n all. She flew in, in a hurry, friends booked ticket as I lay in a dim hospital bed with my veins sipping fluid.
Now the hospital allowed a attendant to stay alongside you. So KM said he can stay. Both my mom and KM are similar in one way. During the day both of them are non-believers in Ghosts. At night they just become a little more open minded. So both of them did not want to go home alone and stay in an empty flat. Well, KM being my husband n all was more than eager to stay by the side of his ailing wife. Nothing to do with care and love but more for the sake of not being left alone. Now my poor mom had no choice but to go back. So we tried arranging something for her.
We thought why not call our maid over so that she can stay the night and mom will not feel alone. So KM was given this simple task of talking to her. Now listen to the conversation. KM dials her, and tells 'Listen tonight are you free? Well you see my wife is not at home, can you come over? You can stay the night and then tomorrow morning go off.'
I am flabbergasted at what's coming out of his mouth and have gone mum with just thinking of the implications in my head. The maid would have said some non-confirming things from the other side. My brave husband, nonchalant continues, 'No No Don't worry she(wife) is at the hospital and there is no chance she is coming back tonight. So you can come and stay'.
By this time I get my senses back and literally start screaming to my mom 'Take the phone from his hand, just take the damn thing before he is able to say another word'.
Finally, I take the phone and explain the situation to her, saying my mom is the one who would be staying at home and BOTH me and my husband are at the hospital for the night. But, by then the damage has already been done and she thinks of us as a freak family!!!
Of course she did not agree to stay despite pleading and offering to pay money. We just had to make some other arrangements for mom.
Well, with the best of intentions, sometimes there are just funny stories to be told later :)

Selfless Love

Ask a person what is that one selfless act of love that he has done in his life and judge him by his reply.

Yes, but this does require that you yourself are like that and are into selfless love. As per my experience most human beings on earth are not. Does not matter what your current designation in life is. Whether you are just somebody's child or a new-born's mom or mom of a teenager or a grand mom. And equally for the men. I have come to realize there are some of us for whom specific targets and thinking do not matter. These people do not love you because you fulfilled some tick mark in their sheet of requirements. They love you mostly because they believe in the idea of love and also crave love. They would stand by you, make you comfortable and you would become the center of their world. Does not matter if they have time, or something else is conflicting, or there is something lacking in you. They love the whole of you and in turn make you Whole. And trust me they are the rarest to find. So you are damn lucky if you have found one. Hold on tight and keep him/her safe.

Then there are the other lot and yes, a whole lot of them out there. Again gender irrespective. So they have led their lives believing that Things and Stuff and Status are far more important than anything living or dead on this world. Oh! you knew immediately a bunch of people in your head who satisfy this category, didn’t you?? Well, yes they are the more common phenomenon and are the concept of a common man/woman in today's world. They also fall in love(so called) marry, have families and live a fulfilled life. For them love is more like convenience. Well will the other person be able to fulfill so and so requirement of his/her. And these are as varied from earning money to looking after parents to being sharp and intelligent to have stimulating conversations. And once in a long term relationship with them if both the partners are like that, then it’s fine. Else you start to notice that the relationship deteriorates within a span of 1 - 2 years. Again, you have to understand 75% of the population being like this chances are you are in a relationship in which both of you survive on thinking about the benefit of it. In which case it is a perfect relation and nothing to lose.

The problem happens when one of the partner's is not the kinds who entered into the relation with a checklist and the question 'What is in it for me?' Well, maybe it’s a very common phenomenon in the current world to check every aspect of your being with the question 'What's in it for me?' I would still like to believe that we still have enough and more people living who do not lead their lives based on this Mantra!!!

 And this is where I say ask the person for his one selfless act of love . Or at least when you describe such a thing check if they are able to relate and empathize with it. Then you know that their sole purpose on earth is not to have the scale tilt to their side for the answer of ‘What’s in it for me?’

And well if you are on the receiving end then Good Luck!

Past Times

KM is in Kolkata rite now, attending his first cousin's marriage. I was supposed to go to with him but the recent changes did not leave room for me. Finally after 7 long years I am gonna return to Kolkata. Yes I was staying in Bangalore for the last few years but I really can't say that it became my home. Its funny how you think when you come to a new place that it is temporary and you are just going back.Well, that just going back took me 7 long years but in all this while when I look back I never stopped feeling that it is temporary.

I came with a job here and have been here in many places. Cox Town then Jeevanbheema Nagar and then Bellandur. PG with Aunty staying on first floor and the ground floor occupied by 4 of us, to a house that was completely a Paying Guest and then a 2BHK after getting married. From being 4 girls in a PG working in a company that was 10 minutes walking distance to seeing them slowly get married, change cities, have kids and then finally getting married myself. Cox town was what I knew as home in Bangalore for a very long time. Aunty used to chit chat with us often. Four of us used to enjoy talking gibberish to Gandhi to Five Point Someone. Ayn Rand was introduced to me there and I loved it. Live life large was the belief there and I loved it. Don't know how much of it I imbibed, not as much as CB I am sure. CB and I were the ones who stayed till the end and then me alone for 6 odd months when she changed cities and got married. Oh, I still miss those talks daily with her and just her being around. Yes we fought maybe twice in the entire time and also got angry but that seems distant and the happy memories flood back.

Watching a colour less TV as we were too scared to tell aunty that maybe we have screwed it up and then the helping hand just coming and clicking buttons to get the colour Back!!! The TV had no remote and hence CB's favourite place was on the corner of the bed so that she can lean out and operate the channels. Lazybone as I was, I have watched the same channel for hours on so that I need not get up and switch it back and forth.
A cockroach infested refrigerator for few months before aunty discovered it and we were again too scared to tell her about it before that. Cooking Mixed vegetables with mixed spices and mix of all available things at home like butter, tomato sauce pepper powder etc. and it still somehow tasting nice. Longest of discussions on what to order from where for a lunch on dinner not because we disagreed a lot on what we want to eat but all of us agreed on Order Anything from Anywhere. Only if Anything and Anywhere were available!
Taking the utmost care of Aunty's furniture, as, if we spoiled anything it would be the end of us. Yet somehow managing to spill Dal on a sofa and cold drink on a cushioned chair. Then scrubbing with water, soap water, lemon what not, to get the stain off, and then ironing to get it dry and keeping the fan switched on. Coming back late in the nite (our deadline was 10pm else you had to inform her) without informing her in advance and finding the perimeter door locked. Pushing each other to make that life threatening call to aunty to open the door, and being scared the whole of next day as to when the phone will ring with the dreaded scolding. Lining up like school children to get scolded by her and apologizing for numerous things on numerous occasionss.
And yet we managed to have our share of fun, live large and be happy. All of us are now scattered on different parts of the world and a blessed thing like Facebook keeps us united. Our next generation is also already here and I hope we get to meet each other again sometime and tell our young ones all those stories of a carefree happy time :).

Random Smiles

There are those stories and those people thinking about which just puts a smile on your face. Not that you thought you wanted to smile but just the thought of it makes a smile crept up. KM, my hubby, is, such a character in my life. His stories, weird things that he makes happen, and the way he tells them make me burst out laughing. Also later when I am reminded of them I inevitably have a smile on my face. Once I was on the road, coming back from some shopping in a hot summer sun. I was irritated with something and suddenly out of nowhere I remember this incident he had told me and I was literally giggling.

He was younger then, in class 11 or 12. He had gone for some tuition and was returning back home.On the way from his tuition to his place lies Sonagachi, a famous area for paid pleasureful activities in Kolkata. Its a busy area with customers, others, touts, beggars et all..  Well when you are that age all these don't matter to you. So he was also walking unmindful of all the surrounding humdrum. Now a person comes really close up to him and starts telling him "College Girl, college girl .. college girl "..  He is taken aback, and is trying to make sense of it all. The fellow is persistent and keeps repeating. So guess what finally KM asks him. "Which College?" ( Well as a write I have a smile on my face)

The fellow understands his mistake and is unsure whether or not the joke is actually on him!!!.. KM is unfazed and finding no satisfactory answer strides home. Only later it becomes a story shared between friends for healthy laughter :).. 

Well if you thought he was young and unaware of the ways of the world, I give a recent incident. KM has now grown and is in the corporate world. He is hosting a conference call for some business discussion and people are distributed across time zones as is usual of today's multinationals. So there's this serious discussion going on between some 6 people and now there is a need for a certain "D" to join the call. So KM says ok, no issues I shall patch him right in. So he swiftly calls up "D" and makes him join the call. So now others wish "D" a 'Good Evening' and start explaining where they are in the discussion and what they expect out of him. There's a silence on the other end. So now KM inquires, if "D" is able to hear them. Suddenly in a shaky voice "D" replies, 'Ye KM bhaiya ye sab kaa bol rahe hai?!!" Translated to English it means "Hey KM, what the heck is going on here?" Now its everbody else's turn to be silent. KM realises his mistake and unjoins "D" from the call. And then in a very apologetic way tells everyone that since he had patched him in, in a hurry, instead of the business professional "D" the fellow who had joined was KM's driver in Kolkata. In his name register Driver "D" was on top of the list before professional "D" and hence the mishap. The driver being a native Bihari with the same name was no wonder quiet ad he heard people calling his name but talking a tongue he din understand!

So the others were stunned for some time and then burst out laughing and then asked that so you mean to say we explained a technical solution to the driver. Well yes apparently that was correct, KM said. Well they had a hearty laugh and when actual "D" join the called the laughs continued. 

Well i always thought life should be like this. Happy, carefree, full of reasons to smile. As long as he is around I think there will be no dearth of that. Am happy you are in my life :)